This Mother’s day do everyone a favour.
- It is not a matter of pride if he needs your help to wake up for an important job interview or for anything else for that matter
- Rise above the feeling of being needed and let him know where things are around in the kitchen
- It is not cute for anyone to leave their unfinished coffee in a mug next to their bed. Don’t let him believe it is okay
- Same for drain hair and not flushing the toilet properly
- Let him have the capacity to figure out where his next meal is coming from
- Don’t sit and worry about his smoking and drinking habits. Accept that if he is fucking up with his body, it is his doing and not yours
- If you don’t like how some chores are done. Ask for it to be done again. If you still don’t like how it is done, think about whether it is YOU who is unwilling to let go of something
- If you think he is doing it to get out of chores, have an adult conversation and be willing to be seen as uptight/nagging/perfectionist/plain ol’bitch. Step aside and get the damned thing done again
- Let him take your parents to the doctor if needed
- Let him fold his own clothes and do the laundry
- Let him buy his own clothes. PLEASE.
- Definitely DO NOT buy his staple underwear. If you want him try something exotic – hey! I am not coming in between you both
- Take care of him when unwell but please don’t cut his toast in tiny squares or rewarm that tea for the tenth bloody time. A flu won’t kill him. He can learn that and so can you.
- Allow your husband to put your baby to bed
- Don’t be the only one who knows when the vaccinations are due
- Don’t talk to him in a baby voice outside of the bedroom
- If he wants to do a keto-diet, let him do the meal prep
- Don’t let ANYONE tell you whom you can or cannot talk to
- Don’t cover for your colleague who cannot keep track of an important meeting on an overseas trip. You are not being a team player by doing so.
- You don’t need to bring coffee or tea or any fucking beverage to your large group of friends or colleagues. Get them to do it themselves
- Don’t always be the note taker in team meeting
- Don’t stand for an inappropriate joke. Don’t preach but don’t forgive either. He should know better
- Make sure you get an apology when due
- Stand behind your NO. Let it mean just that
The meaning of who is a mother has evolved with time. What needs work is the expectation from the role. Let the men in your life pick up their share of the weight. If it feels like you are doing this out of love or care, think about how true that really is. If it feels like you are giving up some sort of power, think about what it is taking for you to hold on to it. This is not just about you. This is about respect, responsibility and a fixing of a larger problem that is long overdue.
To the men, you are adults. You are not chilled out or forgetful or oblivious. You have simply grown used to feeling entitled to another person’s physical and emotional labour. Step the fuck up.
Happy Mother’s Day everyone!