I am currently unemployed. I finished my Teach for India Fellowship in April and I had grand plans to study further in the space of Education. I have admission from an Ivy league college but no money to pay for tuition. I am unemployed partially by design because I do not want to go back to the corporate sector and work hard at selling tea or biscuits. I do not think I will be able to take that job seriously and so I might not even care.
But being unemployed is hard. Especially if your idea of self worth is intrinsically woven with the work you do. You begin to question your worth, your life choices and most importantly if any good is ever going to come out of all this. You slip into a zone where you are constantly checking email to see if someone rather anyone is out there who is willing to help you do what you want to do. And spend your day swinging between wild rage and frustration.
I have read about economic downturn leading to unemployment and that leading to a breakdown in social structures. I totally agree! The way I feel right now – angry and frustrated could possibly lead to a lot of damage. Now when I think of the same feeling multiplied across so many young people crossing economic strata, it is truly terrifying.
It is a good thing I do not see myself vandalising public property or being a menace. I am able to vent through words, but if I could not even do that I am sure I would have exploded and sure as hell done something!
I can relate to the feeling of powerlessness and insignificance. I can understand why someone might be a part of a mob just to feel like they belong to something larger than themselves. I can totally see why people join cults.
It is no longer a strange phenomenon – I am the face that I earlier did not recognize.